Yesterday we got the full files for the two girls that we were initially proposed. In case you are a little confused as to what has happened lately this is it in a nut shell…

-We got two preliminary files, without pictures, that we were told we had to choose from in November.
-We chose our Sofie based on the fact that one girl had a lot more information than the other.  (Choosing one child over the other seemed like an impossible task. Since we had tons of info on the one girl and no concerns, but still had some questions about the little information we got for the other girl, we chose the girl who came with lots of information.)
-Just before Christmas we got sent a picture of Sofie and announced her in our Christmas cards!
-Within a few day our suspicions were confirmed that the picture we received was not of the girl we had originally chosen. We found out the reason for this was that the Bulgarian MOJ wanted us to review the full files of both girl before they were going to let us commit to either of them.  (We were confused. We had already chosen, but then started to fall in love with the picture of a different girl. We had suspicions that the picture we got may not be the right one so I was guarded with looking at it. We wanted to believe it was her though… and even if she wasn’t our original choice, she might be our daughter.)
-Yesterday we received both full files and was able to make a final decision.

Both girls were perfect and we want to be able to adopt both of them. It’s not allowed by BC adoption rules and would not be the right thing for our family at this time any way. So we had to make an impossible decision. There was no criteria we had for our daughter, other than we wanted to adopt a little girl around Livi’s age with Down Syndrome. Both girls were perfect and would flourish in a family environment.

After a surprisingly short conversation between Jon and I, discussing all the knowns, unknowns, and inconsistencies in the files, Jon “logically” decided and I “emotionally” felt that sticking with our original choice was the right thing to do and she was the right child for us. Then we really looked at her picture. Original Sofie is DEFINITELY our Sofie. She has dark brown hair and eyes and even looks like Livi! She is perfect and I can not wait to hold her in my arms. She is so beautiful. Today I was finally allowed to send off our official request to adopt her.

So, if you got our Christmas card the picture is not our Sofie. I have deleted all the pictures of the other girl. I had to, for my own sanity. I had hoped not to see a picture of the girl we couldn’t bring home, but it didn’t work out that way. Her face is now burned in to my mind. Plus, they are in the same orphanage! Am I going to be able to go and give her a hug? Or will I feel too guilty to even see her?  I might not even be given the opportunity to see any of the other children at the orphanage. This process is really teaching me how to trust that God has a plan for our family… even though I’m not completely convinced that is how He works. Hmmm… I feel my theology changing again!

We are getting updated pictures and video next week! I can’t wait to see our daughter playing, exploring and hopefully smiling! I feel like I can really start the attachment process too. We aren’t exactly sure what the timeline is from here. We should have her home by the summer time but hopefully sooner. It depends on how fast the two governments work and available court dates. Pray that it is sooner than later. I feel like our family is missing some one. We need her home.

If you want some of the updated pictures send me an email and I might secretly be able to show you… I want to show her off but can’t put her on any public forums 🙂

2010 is done and 2011 is under way! After the crazy busy, no sleep Christmas we had, Jon and I were not interested in going out. We decided to ring in the New Year with Chinese food for dinner, Jon’s family tradition, and Tex-Mex dip for a later snack, my family tradition. I was thinking about making Jon some oliebollen but figured we had more than enough food for the three of us, and lets face it… I didn’t feel like cooking.

Jon and I played a few hours of Beatles Rock Band, which we had bought on sale with some of our Christmas money. We put most of our money towards the adoption but because we thought Livi would enjoy rocking out just as much as us, we did decide to splurge a little. For those of you who remember me saying I would never buy a gaming system because I hate them so much, we didn’t buy it. We got my brother’s Xbox 360 when he left for China. Some how that makes it a little easier to accept. I still hate them… but Rock Band is pretty fun. I can justify it with Rock Band being interactive and not something you can completely zone out on. Okay, so I’m a hypocrite.

I’ve been trying to get Jon watch Away We Go with me, but for some reason he has little faith in my movie choices. I’d seen it before, probably over a year ago. I saw it just after I had come through our year of hell. (I don’t know if there is any one post I can link too. If you’ve followed along you know what I’m talking about. If not and you’d like to know, send me an email.) There was so much in that movie that I related to, that I still relate to. Watch the movie… particularly if you are new parents.

We finished the movie about five minutes before the ball dropped so we decided to stay up. I yelled “Happy New Year!” not thinking it would wake Livi on the other side of the house in a room that is virtually sound proof because it used to be the garage. Next thing we knew Livi came around the corner half asleep for a hug! I must have woken her up… or possibly the neighbors out side. What made me nervous was that we didn’t hear her open the door through the monitor. If she starts sleep walking… like I have in the past… what if she goes outside?! Well, she can’t quite open the front door yet because it sticks. I hope it stays that way. It was the perfect way to start the New Year though! After a kiss from Jon, I got a big, sleepy, warm cuddle and kiss from my baby! My mom was still awake up stairs too so we took Livi up to give her a New Years kiss too 🙂

What is 2011 going to bring? Well, according to my New Year’s dinner Chinese fortune “Your fondest dream will come true within this year.” This made me smile. Not that I believe these generic, vague cookie prophesies but this one is going to come true! Aside from getting married and having kids, all with Brad Pitt, adopting a child with Down Syndrome is my longest, fondest dream! I have the married and child dream fulfilled. I don’t think it would be very productive to hold out hope for Brad Pitt in 2011, but I am going to get my baby! How amazing! I’m so excited. It is a weird feeling to know that in just a few months I’ll have basically everything I ever wanted! I am seriously blessed.

To top off my excitement for this year, I’ll also be getting to end it in Mexico! Jon’s grandparents have decided to take the entire clan to Mexico for a family gathering! I’ve done a lot of camping in my life and even stayed in the occasional hotel here and there but I have never had the all-inclusive vacation that most people at least get on their honeymoon. Jon and I thought we’d be saving money by going to Whistler… it was basically just as expensive. I’m so excited to go on a vacation that is nothing but lounging on the beach and drinking margaritas all day! No stress, no responsibility (except our children of course) and pure relaxation!

I don’t have any real resolutions like I did last year… my life style change was a bitter failure. I did lose nearly 20lbs at the beginning of last year but I’m sure that I have gained it all back in recent months. Getting to a healthier weight is always a goal of mine but it has proven a more difficult achievement than I thought. I don’t know what I need to maintain a healthier lifestyle but I hope I get there one day. If there is anyone in Chilliwack looking for a project in me or exercise partner I’d be willing to try something new! I just don’t think I have the energy to commit to any exercise program by myself right now. I’m very much an emotional eater too, so a new child coming in to our lives doesn’t make that hurdle any easier. It takes a lot of discipline to hold yourself accountable. I have so much respect for people who can do it!

Any how, 2011 is looking to be one of the best years of my life! I can’t wait! Happy New Year Everyone!