Although I have some very obvious things to be thankful for this year, its been a little hard this weekend to truly get in to the thankfulness spirit. While I am so filled with thankfulness for my children, my husband, my home, and my extended family, it is hard being a mom, my husband has taken up snoring which is interfering with my sleeping, my yard has been destroyed by the contractor who did our sewer hook-up forcing mud to be tracked all over our home, and my family is in a hard pre-grieving stage waiting for my grandfather to pass away.

Saturday morning EVERYTHING seemed like a hopeless problem with no way to fix it. I cried, I vented to my mom, and I cried some more. I was alone with the girls that morning and couldn’t get anything done. I found that even though we had cleaned and revamped where Parker, our cat, has taken to peeing in the girl’s room, he had done it again. A puddle of pee splashed on my leg as I was investigating, their shoes were splattered, and it was in the rug again. I cried. After a hug from Sofie and a few choice words yelled at the cat, I washed all their shoes.

For the rest of the morning everything looked dingy, dirty, beyond repair, and gross. I was ready to get rid of the cat, tear out all the flooring in my home, re-do the bathroom and kitchen and/or seriously talk to Jon about moving. My yard seemed to be in such disrepair that my kids would probably never have fun in it again and they definitely couldn’t be out there alone because of all the apparent dangers! I think I over-reacted a bit 🙂

I do stand by my dissatisfaction with the yard. The contractor was supposed to come today and he is going to get an earful when he does come. But, I have a lovely home. It is one of the nicest basement suites I’ve seen and we do own it! We have huge bedrooms, a play area for the kids and even an office! I’m truly blessed to live downstairs from my mom. She is such a great support and I’m glad I can be there to help her out too. I love that she has such a close relationship with my girls. Livi wakes up at 7:30 each morning and heads on upstairs for breakfast with her! She doesn’t quite understand why we don’t let her up there on weekends though. She hasn’t grasped the concept of sleeping in yet.

Speaking of grandparent relationships, my grandpa, whom I have be extremely close with and who participated greatly in raising me, is dying. He is now on ‘comfort care’ only. That means no IV’s and no medical interventions other than pain medications. He has lived a long life and been ready to go for a long time. He had hoped he would go in his sleep or have heart attack and it would be quick. It has been slow and painful though. The last two years have been a steady decline in his physical and cognitive abilities. It has been really hard on everyone, especially since he has been home with Grandma and home support up until a few weeks ago.

Yesterday I took my daughters to the hospital to say goodbye. They usually see him a few times a month but since he has been in the hospital we’ve gone about once a week. He wasn’t conscious yesterday and had just had a shot of morphine but I think it was good for Livi to see him like that. I’ve been trying to talk to her about Opa dying, as much as she can grasp. We’ve explained to her that Opa has lived  really long time and wants to go to Heaven now. His body isn’t working very well and when it stops working he will die and go to Heaven! We’ve told her that she won’t see him again and Mommy, Marmee and Oma will be very sad because we miss him so much, but Opa won’t be sad. He will partying it up in THE BEST PLACE EVER! He won’t be sick there anymore. She told Oma about Opa going to Heaven yesterday. It was quite precious and we all got a little teary. I am so glad that he will no longer be in pain. He has lived with chronic pain ever since the war. I am very ready for him to die… well as ready as I can be I guess. But, I am going to miss him terribly.

We did get to celebrate Thanksgiving though. On Friday we joined Jon’s extended family for a very delicious dinner. It was a little ill-timed for young kids so Sofie, in particular, was hungry and tired before we even got to the dinner. It was also her first big gathering held somewhere other than her home so she was over stimulated. I had also just had an update about my grandpa and hadn’t slept well at all the night before, so I was not the best guest and Sofie’s fussiness was extra stressing me out. The aunts and uncles who couldn’t make it to Sofie’s Blessing were finally able to meet her though! They were really awesome about giving us our space too, which I think I needed as much as Sofie did 🙂

Sunday was my family’s dinner. I made the best turkey you’ve ever tasted, thanks to Gordon Ramsay. Sessa was in charge of all types of potatoes (mashed and sweet), my mom bought the veggies but I think my sisters ended up cooking most of them and Liz made two pies and a trifle! It was a tamer and more appropriate dinner than usual since we had a guest with us. My mom threatened all of us to be on our best behavior… or else! I don’t think any under cover body parts or bedroom humor was mentioned even once! I definitely think this is a holiday for the history books. I’m not sure we can pull that off again. My mom has a lot to be thankful for this year. It may never happen again!

Our family did get to enjoy one of our spontaneous dance parties that seem to happen every holiday. I love it. My kids love it! I think people driving by our open window leaving their dinners must think how cool our family is… or look at us wondering what meds we aren’t taking. Both might be true.

I’m so thankful for my girls. Livi is literally amazing. She is fills me with joy everyday. Sofie is my exceptional gift. She is exceeding all expectations. I’ll say more when I blog about her two month anniversary. I don’t know why I am so blessed to be her mom but I’m thankful for it. For both of them. I’m thankful for my husband. He is patient, caring and willing to work on us. Not all men will work for their relationships or their wives, but Jon does. I’m thankful for my mom who listens and gently guides me through my life. I don’t know where I would be with out her. I’m thankful for all my supportive family and friends who make me laugh and genuinely care about me and my little family. Writing this is reminding me of all the things that I really am thankful for and blessed with… so I’m thankful for blogging. It is an outlet where I can organize my thoughts and feel a sense of connection through this mommy stage in my life. Thanks for staying with me and sending me your emails and comments. It means so much to me!

What a day… I don’t really know where to start.

This morning was nice. Jon had a really good sleep and let me sleep in, even though it was his turn. Then I got to go out and do some errands with my mom, child free. I know, a sad life when going to Canadian Tire and Walmart is exciting. I came home to both girls asleep in their room… TOGETHER! Super Daddy!

I’m kind of scared to post about this for fear of jinxing things but after that really rough week last week with both girls, this week has been awesome! Both  girls seem to be feeling settled. They are happier, getting along better, sharing, playing together and sleeping! Both girls are sleeping great! Do I dare say that we have figured it out?

The key?

For Sofie it was the Queens of the Stone Age Rockabye Lullaby’s. Great album. No words just the music played really well in a softer way. Sofie loves it. We just turn it on the iPod quietly beside her crib and leave her. She falls asleep in less than 30 minutes for naps and night! I know all the attachment and adoption books say to do some style of co-sleeping in the beginning. We did variations of co-sleeping for 2 months now,but they haven’t consistently worked. We slept with her in our bed in Bulgaria but she wasn’t comfortable and neither were we. She tossed and turned and woke frequently. We tried sleeping with her in her big girl bed until she fell asleep, but that was inconsistent and took almost two hours of her poking at us to get her to sleep. The crib worked better and we would lay down beside it on the floor until she fell asleep but that would still take over an hour and she frequently would not nap. Bed time was very inconsistent too. She just usually just tried to get our attention. Now, we just leave her with the music. She sleeps at night and for naps! It is a God send!

For naps we keep the girls separate. Livi naps with one of us in our bed and Sofie falls asleep with her music. Livi has been fighting us to get to sleep, particularly at night. She has every reason and behavioral tantrum to not go to sleep. So the secret to her? We bought her a little book light and let her read for 30 minutes. She is quiet, excited to go to bed and reads until the time we tell her and then goes to sleep with no questions asked! Amazing! How did it take us this long to realize that she is an avid night reader like her daddy?!

Peace, quiet, serenity, and Mommy alone time starting at 8 pm sharp (sometimes even 7:45pm)! Ahhhhh 🙂

I’ve realized both Livi and Sofie are very emotionally connected to my emotions. I know that most kids have this to a degree with their caregivers but I’m not sure if most kids feed off the caregivers energy quite like my kids. I knew I was in sync with Livi. It is something between birth mother and daughter. There is nothing like it. We almost feel each other’s feelings sometimes and know when there is something wrong with the other. Like a twin thing. I always prided myself in knowing what my baby needed or wanted and gave that credit as to why Livi was always such an easy baby. I read her well. With Sofie, I didn’t expect the same type of bond so quickly or even at all. I didn’t even notice it at first. My mom pointed it out. Then Jon said something and I started noticing it a lot more too. Sofie and Livi almost feed off of my emotions, much more than Jon’s. If I am happy and relaxed, they tend to be. If I’m frazzled or upset, they have tantrums. My week of PMS was the week they were both ridiculous. I feel bad for Jon when all three of us get our periods at the same time!

Sofie being so connected to my emotions, I think, is a really good sign of a positive attachment. I don’t know if she has picked it up so quickly because I do tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve or because she is following Livi’s lead. Either way, I think it is mostly a good thing. It leaves a lot of responsibility on my shoulders though. I need to remember to keep care of myself better, for there sake. Jon has been supporting this too. I don’t think he wants another week like last week either!

After the naps today, I took the girls to Sofie’s very first play date at a friends house with two little boys and two dogs. She has never really seen a dog before. She did amazing! At first she was nervous and clung to me while the kids ran around and made a ton of noise. After a snack and me sitting with her in my lap in the play area she relaxed! At about the hour mark she got off my lap by herself and even tried to play with a few toys! The new puppy crawled in to my lap to replace her and even though she was afraid at first, she was petting it by the end and happy about it!!! I was so proud of her 🙂

I came home to a stressful evening though. We had our house being hooked up to the new sewer line in our neighborhood yesterday and today. Yesterday, we had come home to not being able to get in to our door because of the dirt they piled on our walk way. We live in the basement of the house so our door is on the side. Thankfully, I live with my mother and had the key to the front door. I was a little annoyed that we hadn’t been warned about this but got over it. Today I came home to the “completed” job which apparently means my walk way caked in dirt, so much that you can’t decipher it from the ground beside it. The yard that they dug up is all lumpy and uneven, with mounds of grass and dirt in various places, plus the thick cement lid to the septic tank that they filled laying in the middle of our yard! The hook-up guy has a very nasty voice message that he better answer tomorrow morning.

Expecting to come inside for dinner, we realized that even though my wonderful husband had put dinner in the oven and set the temperature, he had failed to actually hit “start” and dinner was still frozen. (As I am typing this I just asked if he had put the lasagna back in the freezer and nope…still in the oven six hours later. Awesome.) Then, as I was putting some of the girls clothes away, I discovered the source of the odd smell in the corner of their room. Our cat has been repeatedly peeing on my daughters’ shoes! Argh! So gross!

Because of the dinner fail, I did get to have sushi for dinner so the night wasn’t all bad. And, the girls went to sleep at 7:45pm with out a peep! I got to watch my delicious vampires and doctors on Thursday night television!