Should I say, “six months already?!” or “it’s only been six months?!” I think the latter is more true. Sofie belongs with us. She always has. She is a part of us and I can’t imagine life with out her. We had our first adoption check up on Tuesday with a social worker from the agency. It went well. Jon keeps making fun of me because I cleaned my house like I had OCD for the social worker to inspect and she didn’t even look around! She just asked questions about Sofie’s development. I’m just going to talk for a moment about my experience and feelings over the past 6 months. I’ll give you an update on Sofie around the 15th when she has actually been home for 6 full months.

In looking over the past 6 months, I’ve learned a lot, changed, grown, been enlightened and developed a whole list of new worries and personal issues 🙂 Adoption is amazing but so very hard, and I say this thinking that I have had it pretty easy. So many people thought we were choosing the hard road because Sofie has Down Syndrome. This is just not the case. If anything her DS, innocence, love and openness has made this transition easier on everyone.

I remember meeting her for the first time and been so completely enamored with the frail little bird that cautiously explored and ate up our attention. When we got home, things got real. The first two months were hard. So. Very. Hard. I was sleep deprived, most new parents are, and felt very alone. I was walking down a road very little people had any experience with. No one could give me the answers that I needed and I discredited those that tried because of their inexperience. I didn’t know how to separate Sofie’s orphanage/adoption issues from her natural delays with having DS. Even the doctors and professionals we saw seemed to dismiss possible adoption issues and figured everything had to do with delays associated with DS.

I remember, in those first few weeks, wondering what I had done… I felt “I had brought violence in to my home”. Sofie hit, pulled hair, threw things and scratched to the point where she made me cry from pain a few times. I saw no end. No cure to the behavior. I was scared for the harm that the “violence” would bring to Livi and I wondered how much I could take before I lashed out. It was a dark few weeks.

Thankfully, that’s all it was. A few weeks. One day, I began to realize how much less Sofie was pulling hair and throwing things. She was relaxing. Realizing we were safe. She doesn’t have to defend against or attack us. I saw hope again! Once we all made it through those first two months of no sleep, panic and distress, we started finding solutions and relaxing. I’ve said it before… we LITERALLY saw Sofie’s entire being relax and come out of the tight little shell it was trapped in.

I had the maternal instinct early on that the issues Sofie was facing had way more to do with the neglect and trauma she experienced in the orphanage setting rather than DS, so I approached them all like that. I understood her difficulty going to sleep as this was the first time she had been out of the walls of the orphanage and she was too scared to relax and sleep. I saw her hitting as the only defense she knew how to use against other children and adults. I saw her quiet, calmness in new overstimulating situations as her inability to cope because she had never been stimulated in the orphanage. She just shut down and inward. It was so sad to see but followed her lead, tried to give her the support she needed, and stayed close.

It’a  been a hard balance to give Sofie the extra attention she needed and give Livi the attention that she needed.  I still struggle with this balance. Livi goes through moments still of wanting to be babied like Sofie. Livi regressed in her own development when we first brought Sofie home and it took a frustrating few months to get a handle on proper toileting again! Bedtime for Livi is still a battle. And don’t even get me started on the attitude! I can’t blame that on bringing Sofie home though 🙂

With Sofie  it is hard to know how much to push her independence and how much to still baby her for attachment reasons. She doesn’t love being babied but giving her independence usually ends in such a huge mess! She has begun attaching to us but is still very non-discriminate about who else she goes to. She will come back to Jon and I but rarely looks for us in a crowd. She does recognizes us and is happy to see us though. She comes to us for nurturing and occasionally asks for us if she is with some one else for a few minutes. We still have only left her for a few minutes at a time with her Marmee and one evening at Christmas with my sister. Looking forward to a date night one day!

I love my girls. I love the journeys I have been on with both of them. I feel pretty confident most of the time with parenting Livi. Like I know what I am doing… at least to a point. With Sofie, I feel like I am in such new waters. Most of the time, she is just my darling daughter. I see her more as an 18 month old more than a three year old. I think she is somewhere between 12 – 18 months developmentally. I don’t think about her being adopted or worry about her having Down Syndrome… except in rare moments.

I find those moments happen more when I’m in public or talking to acquaintances or strangers about my family. I am so proud of my family. All of them and their unique journeys and gifts. But people don’t understand us… or at least me. When I get asked how old Sofie is, I usually answer with the truth, “She’s actually 3.” Then I feel like I need to explain why she is so small or enlighten them about certain unattached behaviors they are commenting on. I hate people thinking that she is so tiny just because she has DS. She was malnourished and neglected so she didn’t grow. Or that she is so quiet and calm in new surroundings because she is an angel. She is actually emotionally shutting down and inwardly freaking out because she can’t process everything and she’s scared. And I’d hate for people to think that hitting, rocking, throwing, eating issues, being overly friendly and explorative with new people and having unattached issues are typical for people with DS. These all stem from being in an institution for over 3 years.

I want people to know her story, our story, but I don’t like myself always telling people that she was adopted. Does this make sense? I don’t want her or Livi to grow up hearing me tell everyone she was adopted. That could just cause a bunch of other issues. Maybe this is just the stage that I am walking through and it is a good thing I’m going through it while she is still young. As she grows and attaches, I hope I won’t feel the need to explain her size and different behaviors. I also hope people won’t assume things just because she has DS. This is completely my issue and I don’t really know where it is coming from. Do I feel extra defensive and protective for some reason? Am I feeling judged and guarded?   Why? I generally don’t worry about what other’s think to much.

Although this journey has been so difficult, there are immeasurable things to celebrate! It’s been two years since we started this journey to Sofie and now we get to celebrate her being home with us for six months already! I’ll fill you in on all the things I celebrate about our little monkey in the next post and hopefully have some commemorative pictures for you!

Sofie has been home for 5 months now! It seems like such a short amount of time but feels like she has been with us forever! We love her so much. She fits in perfectly! And I think we fit in pretty well in her world 🙂

We are all attached to her and she too us. Interesting she has attached to each of us quite differently. With Livi, I notice that she plays really well by her, much better than she does with other children. Sofie likes to play close to Livi and expects her to be close by. She goes to the toys Livi has been playing with. All common little sibling stuff. So awesome! She is pretty dependent on Livi for sleeping too. Not sure if this is a good thing but they share a room so I guess it is a natural progression of the attachment thing. With Jon, Sofie looks for rough housing. I suppose that is a typical Dad role! She is more chill with Jon too. She is calm with him… I can relate 🙂 I’m generally more calm with him too. With me, she is needy. I love being needed by her, most of the time. She likes to be close to me and climbs all over me when we are home. When we are out she is starting to look back for me to make sure I am still around! This is huge by the way!

This past month Sofie had her first FAMILY Christmas! She was a little confused at times but went with the flow. She also had her first FAMILY vacation! We had a big family reunion in Mexico! Despite our worries that she would regress with her behaviors and eating patterns, she again blew down our expectations. Although she did revert to some of her old coping methods during travel, she progressed in other ways on the trip. She ate and drank wonderfully the whole week, enjoyed herself in the water and began saying “hi” much more consistently and clearer! Sofie started her music class again this past week. She was so excited! When she saw where we had pulled in to park she started screeching in her car seat! She did awesome her first class back. She has come such a long way and this class is such AMAZING therapy for her! She fully participated, did all the actions even though it was all new songs, moved her mouth in the shape of the words we where singing and has better rhythm than I do! Seriously. She is a dancer. You can’t help but smile when you watch her. She also had her first experience in snow just a few days ago. She did not think much of it. She did not like it to much but did tolerate standing in it and watching us build a snow man.

As far as her development she continues to progress. She understands us almost completely even though she was ESL. She wasn’t talking any Bulgarian words when we got her but this is still amazingly fast in my mind. She is a climber. I see broken bones in her future. She can get out of her crib despite her sleep sack. She can follow a few simple two step instructions, like “Pick that up and bring it to Mommy, gentle!” That one gets said a lot and comes after she throws something. She is throwing much less and only hits or pulls hair when she is over-tired or hungry which I try to be careful to not let her get. She is playing with things all time now and frequently even appropriately! Just this week she walked over to the toys in a waiting room, sat down and started playing with the doll house totally appropriately and by herself! No prompting! (Remember she had no idea how to play with anything besides throwing things in the beginning.)

She can say a few words now and they are coming out more often. “Up” and “Hi” are her most frequently used ones. “Mama” and “Nay, Nay” come out usually when she is more distressed over something. She can sort of say “Hello” but only with prompting. “Dada” is in her repertoire too. These last two weeks she has been making a ton of new sounds which I’m excited to see where they take us. Still waiting on a speech therapist appointment but I just learned that the health unit offers a free clinic once a month. I think I’ll try to get her in there. She has about 15 solid ASL signs to communicate with and she is working on more. Jon and I should really take a class. Along side her speech development, her oral development is taking off! She has been putting things in her mouth a lot more! She pretends to be feeding herself with a cup and spoon from their kitchen set and has been eating markers!

We saw her pediatrician this past week for a follow up and to get some referrals. He said she is doing really great. We should finally be getting some referrals for a Cardiologist, Optometrist, Ears specialist (just to rule out any issues before we get in to speech therapy too much), Ped’s Dentist and a dietician. She is now in the 5th percentile for weight. She is a whopping 24 pounds! Which matches her 5th percentile of height. She is just about 33 inches. She’s gained over 5 lbs in the past 5 months but only grown 1.5 cm. Dr. PP was not concerned about the lack of growth “yet”. He figures there is probably a lag because of so many years of malnutrition, but we are going to keep an eye on it.

Orthotics were recommended by her physiotherapist but not her Pediatrician. There is some debate as to what is causing her knock-knees. We have decided to go ahead with the orthotics, but wait to get them in the summer before she starts preschool, when she’ll be wearing shoes a lot more.

I should go now since Sofie is sitting on the desk beside me using every bit of self-control she has not to touch the keyboard or screen. I’ve tortured her enough… time to play with my girls!

Sofie has been home now for 4 months! Where has the time gone? Our baby is not the same frail, infant sized kid that we took out of the orphanage 4.5 months ago. She is still teeny tiny, but she has some meat on her bones and a roundness to her little body! I love it! When I do “squishy’s” on her after baths my fingers no longer touch so easily when I wrap my hands around her limbs and “squish” the lotion down. She ends in fits of laughter every time I do it! She is now 23 lbs. That is up about 3.5 pounds! One pound since last month. There has been a bit of up and down in her weight but she’s been increasing about a pound a month. We have a follow up with her pediatrician in January so I’ll hopefully get a clearer idea about what the her goal weight is and at what rate.

I think it is safe to say that the honeymoon is officially over and she is either experiencing some grief and loss of her old life or just becoming a typical moody three year old who has found her voice to be able to protest! It is most likely a combination. She throws tantrums now and whines frequently. She doesn’t like being told no. When we are firm she will bring her finger up to her mouth and curl her face up in to the saddest cry you’ve ever seen. Her tantrums usually consist of her flopping to the ground and throwing her head and arms back. Her tantrums can happen at any time but are usually reserved for us at home when we are too busy to giver her much attention or there is little stimulation. She also frequently tantrums if I have been out or away from her for a little bit and then come home. Instead of running to me, like she does with Jon or new people, she throws herself to the floor whining. I’m trying to take this as an attachment sign. Maybe she is mad at me for leaving or feeling comfortable enough with me to communicate her dislike. She definitely only reserves this behavior for me though and I’m waiting for the day she shows me that she is excited to see me but doesn’t make me feel guilty for leaving!

Sofie has continued to flourish this month and keeps showing us her new found skills and abilities. She has started to learn how to suck from a straw! This is a wonderful accomplishment. It means potential independent drinking soon! We can now give her a no-spill water bottle and have it available to her all day! Hopefully this will increase her liquid intake because currently, I think, she is probably only drinking about half the recommended liquids that she should for her weight. She has learned how to climb on the kitchen table and scare Mommy and Daddy. I see more stitches in the future! She had her first taste of Boterkoek and met Santa! She met her Uncle Sean when he came home from China. She gave Mommy and Daddy the official poop smear experience. So. Gross. Now she wears her sleep sacks backwards. She got her Care Card number finally and managed to stay healthy when everyone else in the house got the flu! Yay for having a great immune system!

I’m sure Christmas will be fun with two girls this year! I can’t wait too see how the next month goes! I love my girls so much!