I’m not exactly sure what it is… Maybe it’s winter blues, PMS, fighting a cold, too busy, not enough sleep, low on iron. I have been eating less meat lately and am perpetually on the lower end of the iron scale. Maybe it’s all of it, or none of it. I’m just feeling run down, emotionally and physically. I’m not sick, just really tired. Emotionally I’m feeling overwhelmed, unmotivated and out of control.
I’ve been really hard on myself too, which isn’t helping my mood. I hate feeling like this. I’m being critical of everything… the cleanliness of the house, odd jobs not yet done, stupid things I’ve said or even thought, my poor husband (who is generally pretty wonderful at handling mood swings), various tasks I should be completing but too overwhelmed and critical of my efforts to even attempt.
I think another part of my mood is discouragement for not having Sofie home. Each stage is taking so much longer than we had expected. I’m scarred this last part will take longer too. It is such a weird feeling to know you have child waiting for you in another country… not just an idea of a child, but a real child with a name and a birthday. Sometimes my arms almost, literally hurt to be holding Sofie in my arms. I cuddle Livi extra on days like that.