More on those life changing pee hills I mentioned in my last post.
Just to make our life a little more interesting, right in the middle of our two days of house buying and selling we had our biggest “pee hill”. We found out we are pregnant.
Yup. Unexpectedly, blessedly, terrifyingly pregnant.
We had no idea. We were actively trying not to get pregnant. We weren’t even sure we wanted to be pregnant again. We knew we wanted another child, we just didn’t know how we wanted that child to come to us. Adopting from the foster system had been swimming around in our heads. I guess it was decided for us!
Although this has been quite the shock and I was having a hard few days with the idea, I am taking comfort in the fact that this really does feel meant to be and God-lead. Sunday we made an accepted offer and listed our house. Monday we found out we were pregnant and Tuesday we sold our house. I’m sure Jon would not have made an offer on the house if he knew we were pregnant.
The only reason we found out on the Monday was because I was sick with a sinus infection and went to the clinic for some antibiotics. I knew I was one day late and I hadn’t had any of the usual pre-menstrual spotting but I figured it was because of the stress and excitement of finding and buying a new house. I thought I’d just be extra responsible and get a quick test before the doctor put me on antibiotics, just to be safe.
As I walked in to the exam room I saw “PT poss” on the paper the nurse had hung on the door. It didn’t register with me at all. I remember thinking that was a weird short hand to say I wasn’t pregnant. I was in a bit of denial I think. Then BAM. The nurse says “yes, your pregnant”. I started hyperventilating and the nurse stared at me terrified she’d done something wrong. She thought I was expecting a yes and that I was a bright, fast yes on the test. I reassured her that it was a good thing but that I just wasn’t expecting it.
My head was swimming. I just sat in the room for a few minutes mumbling “holy shit” over and over.
While waiting for my meds I grabbed a Congrats card for the Daddy to be. I quickly wrote a silly note about Jon getting to be snipped sooner than we thought. He actually took a full 60 seconds to register the card was talking about him. We are both shocked and still processing it but we are getting excited now.
So, knowing my conception date, I’m 7 weeks pregnant. I was only on day 4 of my cycle when I got pregnant! I still had my period that morning. I ovulated two weeks early. We had been using this rhythm method with “capping” it for birth control for 6 years. I am very regular… or at least was… and we thought we had this whole birth control thing in the bag. Apparently, your body changes as you get closer to 30 though! Oops. I’m only 5 weeks pregnant based on my last period but I know when we conceived. Not sure if we are going to do a dating ultrasound or not. I doubt it. Either way I figure I’m due around Christmas.
I still have mixed feelings. Of course I am so excited to be blessed to bring new life in to this world again. I can’t wait to feel baby kick inside me and see who he or she grows to become, but I feel guilty. So many children have already been born and need a family. This world is so over populated already. And then there is Sofie. She still needs me. She still needs to be carried, sleeps in the crib, fights me and tantrums. How is a new baby going to affect her still present need to be constantly reassured. She is not ready to share me yet.
I’m scared too for the health of this baby. Because the possibility of being pregnant was so far out of my mind, I was not watching what I ate, drank or did. We made a retaining wall this month and I moved big heavy allan blocks. I had sashimi twice around 5.5 weeks pregnant. I wasn’t on a prenatal vitamin until this week. I even had a Bailey’s paralyzer almost every night for about 2 weeks in there. If you know anything about how I mix drinks you know I don’t cheap out on the alcohol. It is out of my control now and I need to let go. God knows what He is doing. I’m trying to trust Him to keep my baby safe.
I’ve cried tears of anger and confusion, fear and resentment but I think that is all ending now. Joy and excitement are creeping in and I’m looking forward to hearing this ones heart beat in the next few weeks. I’m feeling like we are where we are supposed to be in God’s hopes for us even though I don’t understand it. This baby is meant to be here and he is going to be something amazing in my life.
I am so blessed.