I wish I had the ability to blog at least once a week. That isn’t going to happen right now. This season in my life is busy. I am stretched thin. Especially last week. I feel like there isn’t any of myself leftover to actually take care of myself. I’m sure every mom has days, weeks, months or even years like this. I’m hoping it’s not months… or even weeks. I’m hoping things reorganize themselves this weekend. It doesn’t look promising though since our dryer just broke and I have 6 loads of laundry to wash.
This is going to be an update post. Another one. I make this blog in to a blog book for my kids to maybe read when they are grown, so I always feel like I need to document everything, even if it was two weeks ago now…
This halloween made be cry tears of happiness. I stood behind Sofie at yet another door that she had eagerly ran up too, excited to trick-or-treat. This is her third halloween with us. The first two she just managed to do a house or two then spent the rest of the night in the stroller. This year was different. She did nearly as many houses as Livi. She was excited to! She ran up the drive ways! She said “treat” to the home owners, for ‘trick-or-treat’. She said and signed “thank-you” and “bye”. She asked for “more” from some of the home owners who she thought weren’t giving her enough 🙂 My princess made me smile. This was a big accomplishment for her.
Evie was my little red riding hood and all bundled up happily in the stroller watching her sisters and other kids run around. Livi was Rapunzel. She, of course, was so excited for trick-or-treating. She was in her glory. I also got to volunteer in her class party that morning. So fun! The week before I got to help chaperone the girls first field trip! They did SO good on the bus which they were so excited about! We went to the pumpkin patch! It was great meeting some of their friends and getting to know some of the parents a bit better!
This week, we have noticed a little bit of regression in Sofie. (There was a poop smearing incident, which hasn’t happened in over a year.) There’s been some upsets to her routine…
Last week we had her IEP. It went great. I felt like we were all on the same page. I had been nervous but my mind was eased. This week, with out notice, her main EA left. I found out at the end of the EA’s last day, when I was picking her up. Her teacher also informed me her last day would be the next day. What?! Why was there absolutely no notice given? Ridiculous. While we are in full favour of teachers and EA’s being free to leave and take other positions, this hiring, postings and seniority bumping process in the school system is insane. It is not in any of the children’s best interest AT ALL. I intend to write to the school board to make my concerns for this process known.
The teacher that always covers sick days in Sofie’s class will be covering until the posting is filled. She has a brand new EA, until her post is filled as well. So frustrating. I haven’t met the new EA, but she is brand-spankin’-new. While I’m trying to have an open mind about the situation and hope for the best, some things already happened on the first day which I am not thrilled about. I’m trying to tell myself to relax. It was only day one.
Livi needed a mental health day on Thursday. I’m in favour of kids taking mental health days every once in a while. They need a break too. I did want to understand why she was needing it though. After some cuddles and conversation I discovered that she was upset that she had done some of her letters backwards. She thought she was the only one. The teacher had her correct them which took her too much time and she didn’t get to play. Taking a long time to complete her work has been noticeably ongoing since the start of school. At home, when things seem to difficult for her or don’t go the way she wants, she gets upset or quits. I wasn’t sure how worried I should be since the teacher didn’t think it was a big deal. Now that she is wanting to miss school because of it, I’m worried. We will get a hold of this perfectionism and performance anxiety that she has.
She comes by it naturally. She is the first child of two oldest children who are perfectionist in our own rites. We are working on ourselves but now we need to jump it in to high gear to help our daughter. I don’t want this to follow her. I don’t want her to think her self-worth is tied to perfection. I don’t want this perfectionism to jump to her physical body where things could turn deadly with eating disorders or cutting. I used to cut. I know. It may seem like I am jumping to extremes here, but I feel in my gut that this is big. We need to help her through this now. I’m researching articles and looking for books with strategies to help her and us. I think I’ve come up with a few things already. Pray for her and us in this.
Evie has a stubborn side. I think it is funny how I see it so clearly already. She hits and throws things very purposefully! Gah! She is so sweet though. Livi was crying one day and Evie crawled up behind her and lay her head on her back, as if to give a hug.
Evie is my not the easiest baby in the world. She is very inconsistent which I find frustrating. Some nights she is up four times to nurse and others she sleeps through. Some days she is a whiny clingy mess and others she is content to play by herself and nap perfectly through out the day. She is at a disadvantage as far as a schedule goes though. She has to tag along to pick up her sisters from school, run errands, or go to appointments. Her naps and sleep cycles are frequently interrupted. Curse of the third child, I suppose.
My daughters are such good sisters to each other. I love it. Watching them together is priceless. They are going to be such wonderful friends.
Livi, these days, has me especially awe struck. She is such a caring, responsible and empathetic big sister. If Evie cries she races to find a toy for her and redirect her attention. She watches out for Sofie, constantly. She plays with both her sisters, running and chasing. She lets them both climb on her. She is so patient with both littles. She shares with them. She uses her words with Sofie and takes the time to teach her. I’ve said before that if Livi got paid for the amount therapy she does with Sofie she’d have her college and down payment for a house in the bank already! Her love warms my heart.
Sofie has been better than I had ever hoped with her baby sister. I was so scared of the back lash of behaviours I’d get from Sofie and afraid that Sofie would hurt the baby. She does push her every once in a while but otherwise she is pretty amazing with her. She pets her hair, squishes her cheeks and asks to hold her.
Evie will come into her own place as the baby sister. I don’t know, yet, what place she will hold. From her coy and beautiful smile, I see her bringing a quiet, peaceful joy. She is more laid back, in some ways. I think her big sisters will seek her out for those quiet moments of needed peace. She reminds me of my mom, who reminds me of my Grandma. Both are strong, courageous women who have quietly overcome a lot in their lives. They are the pillars of their family, who graciously put up with a lot, but bring so much needed peace.
I don’t always write about Jon, unless it pertains to me. He is a much more private person than I am and I try to respect that. He has also had a hard week, for his own reasons which are his to tell. His hard weeks add to mine. I want to listen and give him what he needs but after weeks like this, I feel to stretched to be the wife he deserves. I know he understands and, usually, doesn’t hold it against me. He really is a very understanding man, a good husband and an incredible father.
This next week I am going to try and take some more time for myself. I’m going to go shopping, even though it is for the kids I will enjoy it. I’m going to eat sushi… (Update – it’s Sunday now…I ate it last night and really enjoyed it!). I’m going to watch a romantic movie… or at least a romantic TV episode of some kind. I’m going to have a clean house (even though that may add more work, I feel much more relaxed when it is in order). I’m also going to start reading a Brene Brown book, which will help give me a little perspective in my current season of life. Christmas is coming and Caramel Brule lattes are at Starbucks again, both make me very happy. This next week will be better 🙂
One thought on “Seasons”
You are an amazing mom to all your girls. Keep fighting for them when your gut tells you to. I hope you got a bit of time to recharge – everything goes to crap when mama gets burnt out.