Life is hard this week.

My back is out. By ‘out’ I mean I am completely incapacitated. I can’t stand up straight. I can’t pick up my children. It hurts to sit, to nurse, to lay down. Basically, I hurt if I do anything or nothing.

It comes from an old injury in high school. I was playing basketball and fell and herniated two discs in my lower back. No one knew what was wrong at first because I was so young. After months of pain they figured it out. They didn’t want to operate because of my age so I maintained it with exercise and core strength. It actually hasn’t really bothered me in over 6 years.

3 months ago I had a small relapse for a day or two. This time it is much worse though. They seem to have coincided with Evie’s 3 and 6 month growth spurts. She has grown faster than my muscles have strengthened. I was putting Sofie in her carseat when I felt the twinge.

I’ve been flat out and frequently in tears. Thankfully my mom lives downstairs and has been an awesome help with the kids, did the dishes and swept even! Maggy even folded our laundry. (Seriously people… CO-LIVING!) My sister came out a few hours each day to play with the girls and Jon’s mom is coming on Friday. A friend brought us dinner tonight and next week our social worker approved some house cleaning too so that will also be a huge blessing.

I’m hoping this disappears miraculously by Saturday morning because we have the DS Walk for Awarness! I was sick last year with bronchitis and had to miss it… and now this! Argh! Plus I have tickets to see Les Miserable on Sunday!

The doctor gave me some drugs that are “mostly” safe for nursing a baby. I’m just supposed to take it easy with them. One of them makes me really loopy and loose time which I hate and is actually pretty scary with little kids running around. The last time this happened I was on morphine pills and Gaba Pentin (a neuro inhibitor that made me not feel anything). Those are not baby safe and had me completely out of it. My options are limited. Basically, I have to ride this out, strengthen my core, loosen the muscle spasms and pray this doesn’t last the months it did last time.

Jon is a rock star. He is handling the kids amazingly, but understandably a little stressed out with them. He is running on minimal sleep since he has to get up to get the baby for me to nurse through the night and get up with the kids in the morning. Usually, I get up with the baby but then get to sleep in a bit. He is basically single parenting 4 little kids, waiting on me, Sofie and Evie hand and foot. Livi has been a big help in getting things for me too. When did she become such an awesome, empathetic big kid? I love her.

 Praying this goes away VERY quickly. It is so hard to be useless.

2 thoughts on “Ouch!

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