Tag: Parenting

Learning

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I’ve been a little behind on my blogging. Taking care of two three year olds is a lot of work! They are giant black holes of energy. It has been so much fun though. They are such an amazing blessing and I’m amazed at how much I am continuing to learn!
Being a parent of two is so different than one. My house is always dirty. Laundry is never ending. I continually find splatters of food in places that they weren’t eating. Toys are every where and my floors are never clean, even right after I clean them! The biggest thing I am learning is to let my house go. It doesn’t have to be clean at the end of each day. It is okay if there are toys in every room. If the dishes don’t get done in the evening, I can catch up with them in the morning. I think I’m dealing with the every day messes okay, but when I’ve slacked a little and not cleaned the floors or bathroom all week I do get overwhelmed and grumpy about it. I’m learning to let the cleanliness of my house go. 
I’m learning to cope on little sleep again. I’m getting more sleep than if we had brought home an infant, but it still isn’t as much sleep as I was getting with only one kid! I want sleep with out feeling like I should be doing something else!
I’m learning what both of my girls need from me and when. Livi needs one on one time where she recognizes that I am choosing to spend time with her and not Sofie during this time. I realize that this has a lot to do with her jealousy issues right now but this is something that I can do for her, when the timing is appropriate and Jon is available to be with Sofie or she is sleeping. Morning cuddles have been something her and Jon have been enjoying and I’ve been spending some big girl time with her before bed while Jon puts Sofie to bed a little earlier than Livi. Sofie needs me to read her properly and move at her pace. I am getting much better at this but sometimes it takes her following me from room to room for 20 minutes before I realize she wants something. I need to slow down for her. 
All three of us are learning things about Sofie and how to make everyone more comfortable. Jon and I are taking turns getting up early with the kids and feeding them breakfast. We are trying new solutions for Sofie’s sleeping issues. Sleep sacks are going to be our saving grace for the winter for her and I actually think Sofie feels a little more secure in them. Our only problem is going to be finding them big enough for her. It may resort to me trying to remember how to sew! Staying asleep is not Sofie’s problem, but getting to sleep peacefully can be a little challenging still, particularly at nap times. We are laying with her until she is asleep but this is still not always working well. I think we are going to see if white noise helps her. We just need to figure out something that she can’t reach and that doesn’t bother Livi to much. My sister suggested Melatonin which I think I’m going to try too 🙂
Livi is handling Sofie’s issues like a pro. Each of them have there daily melt downs but I figure this is fairly neormal too. They have both been through a lot of changes. Sofie can’t communicate all her frustrations well yet and Livi is a little too good at communicating sometimes 🙂 
This is one of the reason’s we need sleep sacks for her.
She tosses and turns like you wouldn’t believe and there is no hope of keeping a blanket on her.
I was really proud of Livi’s “realistic” drawing! She said it was a 
car with a tail!
These first few weeks have been filled with eager visitors wanting to meet Sofie. Sofie has been handling the changes, new people and new language amazingly. She has exceeded our expectations. I had expected to shelter her a lot more than we are. I had expected to have her regress at first. I had expected more tantrums and fear from her. I didn’t think I’d want people touching her and picking her up. 
Every once in a while people picking her up does make me stop and wonder if it is too soon, but I remind myself that she is three years old. A three year old wants people to play with her. We are still very diligent in being the ones to comfort her and respond when she is fussing but it is okay that she plays with other people, I think. She may have regressed a little in the food area but she has made leaps and bounds in the past few days. Yesterday she packed away more food than I ever thought she could. Her stomach was hard and protruding! Today she ate “real” rice and pesto salmon! Not pureed! I could cry I am so proud! Plus she ate it off my fork! A big fork that poked her tongue and everything! This is seriously a big milestone people 🙂
Sofie meeting Opa and DD!
Sofie meeting Uncle Tony!
Auntie Lisa meeting Sofie!
Tonight was also another big milestone. Sofie woke up for the first time, during the night, crying. I got to pick her up and hold her while she settled, whispering that she was safe and Mommy had her. This is something I doubt she has ever experienced. It was such a beautiful moment for me. I was then thinking how different these milestones are from having a birth child. This tiny moment around 10:30 at night holding my crying daughter was as special to me as the first time Livi took her first steps or rolled over. It was magical. 

Life

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Life is good… hard, but good. I’m going to talk for a minute about the hard stuff….
Helping Daddy with the recycling.
This adoption is truly a dream come true, but it has brought with it a lot of challenges. Most of the challenges were considered and expected before hand, but it still doesn’t make it easy! Jon and I had talked excessively about the possibility of Sofie having certain behavioral issues but we had hoped we’d slide by with out Livi having too many issues. For the most part Livi is doing really well but she is having some jealousy and regression. She usually wants the parent who is taking care of Sofie at the moment. She has been very defiant, overly emotional and tells us she is going to do things that are not allowed. She has showed her regression too. I don’t quite understand it and am finding it so frustrating. She has been potty trained for well over a year and in the past two days she has peed her pants 3 times and partially pooped in her pants twice. 
I know Livi is in transition and her whole world has been interrupted and turned around. We didn’t bring home a tiny baby who just sits there, sleeps, and eats. We brought home a walking three year old who engages with us, seeks out our attention and has her own little personality. It seems to be very different from my friends experiences. Easier in some ways but harder in others. 

Bed time at night is the worst. Each night Livi is ridiculous. She won’t lay down, bangs the wall, lays down the other way, wakes up Sofie so she gets out of bed and get us to come back in the room, and has a million excuses to gets out of bed. It is so beyond frustrating. Bedtime, which used to be a 15 minute routine is now up to an hour and a half. It is so ridiculous.

Tired out from the sun 🙂

Sofie is doing so much better than we could have hoped for. She is still indiscriminate with who she approaches and plays with but she is coming to us for food and comfort. I don’t think I’ve seen her go to any one else for that recently. Her eating has improved more than I could imagine. She rarely cries during meals now and she has a pretty good appetite! She is still VERY picky about what she eats and prefers sweet things. What kid doesn’t, right? She eats 8 month old baby food. The 12 month stuff has chunks which she won’t eat. She still hasn’t drank much. We tend to get a few sips of chocolate milk, and sometimes milk, in to her each day. Yesterday her Gramma got some juice and water in!!! This is the first time she has drank water since being at the orphanage! Yay Gramma!!!

Clapping with Auntie Maggy!

Sofie  is very quiet but she is definitely discovering her voice. She has started letting people really know when she is mad… usually because we are taking her out of the bathroom. She is starting to say mama more but I’m still not sure she is associating it with us. She is cuddling with us as she goes to sleep, instead of doing her orphan rocking thing that I hate! I love cuddles with my kids and I love that Sofie is choosing to cuddle with us! She is playing with toys too, which is so awesome. She stacks rings, loves playing with necklaces and tea sets. I think she might end up being really girly. She doesn’t like barrettes in her hair yet though. She just started kissing us today though! I love it! They are so cute and usually have a little tongue in there but I think that is fairly normal for her developmental level. She can wave goodbye and blow kisses to. That came from the orphanage.

Sofie still grinds her teeth and clicks her jaw but she doesn’t do nearly as much as she did in the beginning! The grinding teeth is also a symptom of low muscle tone and control in her jaw, not just a coping mechanism of the orphanage. She rocks way less… I will sometime go all day with out seeing her do it. She must be feeling so much safer and dependent on us to help her cope. She doesn’t need that extra coping mechanism! Hooray!

Happy girl 🙂 Signing for food here.

Nap times still suck though. Today, she took nearly two hours to get to sleep at nap time today. But she did finally sleep! The parents of child with DS need to more stubborn than the child! She doesn’t generally cry like she used to when going to sleep. She just takes for ever to settle. Surprisingly she goes to sleep much smoother at night. Livi has the issues at night. Sofie’s sleep is very unsettled. She is a pretty heavy sleeper but very unsettled. She tosses and turns like you couldn’t even imagine. Most days she is ending up on the floor. She usually falls off feet first and doesn’t hurt herself, but sometimes it is head first… I think we should probably set up the crib. I feel kind of bad for Sofie because in the orphanage she wasn’t allowed to explore her world and never got hurt. In the first few weeks she has been with us she’s gotten a few bumps on the head, a scraped knee, and a few good scratches on her arm! I think it is good for her though 🙂

We took her to see a fabulous pediatrician who looked her over and is making some referrals for us. The appointment will cost us over $200 because we don’t have Sofie’s citizenship card yet and can’t get her Care Card with out it! I hope it comes fast. The pediatrician said she does have a murmur in her heart that we’ll check out and wants to get a baseline for a bunch of things but over all she is doing well. Of course she is under weight and he thought what we were doing was fine. Basically get anything we can in to her, no matter what it is. She is 20lbs. That is in the 5th percentile of the DS growth chart and up half a pound since we got her, assuming the scales were both accurate. If I remember right she is 32 inches tall, which puts her under the 25th percentile for height. We also met with the Child Development Center this week. Sofie will get Physiotherapy, Occupational therapy and Speech Therapy! Yay! The CDC was really great too! Sofie is definitely getting a good start!

Riding on Daddy! Way to much fun!

Being goofs.

Bedtime story!

As far as parenting, I think I’m really starting to feel attached and like Sofie’s mom. I love her completely, although it is still easier to love her in her easy, happy times. I think that is true with any child though 🙂 It seems to be growing more slowly than with Livi though. I don’t quite remember how things progressed with Livi. I remember not feeling it right away like Jon but I don’t know exactly when I was fully attached. With Sofie, I think I’m so much more aware of the process and analyzing all my feelings. Not sure if that is a good thing or a bad thing.

With Livi, I was the main caregiver, I was her food and usually her comfort. I spent 24/7 with her. I didn’t have the freedom to go out for more than an hour with out her. I felt like I was the only one who knew what she wanted and needed and when. With Sofie, Jon is home full time until December (yay for government jobs and topping up EI!). I’m not the only one who can feed and comfort Sofie. He is very much in the exact same role as me here. I love this experience, but it is so different. I feel like I should feel guilty if I leave Sofie at home and take Livi grocery shopping, but I don’t. I enjoy grocery shopping sometimes and am loving the one on one time with my first daughter. Is this normal? I think it probably is.

Change of Plans

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We have a slight change of plans. Jon and I have changed all three of our flights to come home on August 14th. We still have the same departure date, July 29th. Yes, we are still leaving Livi in Canada.

I’m not entirely comfortable with this plan but I don’t think I’d be comfortable with anything at this point… unless all three of us could come home early! Everyone keeps telling me that Livi will be fine. Logically, I know she will be, but the thought of her needing me and me not being there kills me. She is safe, with people who love her, people who we trust and she will have tons of fun. People also say she has no concept of time. Mommy and Daddy gone for 16 days instead of 11 isn’t going to make any difference too her. We have Skype and will hopefully be able to talk to her almost every day.

The things that swayed our decision from me returning on the 9th with Jon and Sofie coming later was that with the flight we changed it too it won’t cost us any additional money, except of course for the hotel but Jon and Sofie would still need to incur those costs anyway. This also keeps us together for the plane ride home which may be stressful alone. Mostly, though, we are considering Sofie’s potential attachment issues. We think that it might make it harder for Sofie if we both go to get her then one of us leaves. She has had caregivers leave her her entire life. I don’t want her to think I am just another caregiver. I want her to know I am her Mommy.

It is a bit of a weird situation. I need to remind myself that I have two children who need me to do the best thing for each of them, yet I don’t have a firm attachment with one of them yet. Don’t get me wrong, I love Sofie more than anyone can love a child that they haven’t met yet. But I don’t have a relationship with her yet. I don’t know what she needs from me yet. She doesn’t know she needs me yet. I have a relationship with Livi who knows that she needs me. I also know that Sofie needs me more right now, even if she doesn’t comprehend it. She needs to know the love of a mother and father. Livi already knows that love and knows that we will return to her. I’m so excited to give that to Sofie too but every other part of me yearns to be with Livi.

I know we are doing the right thing, but that doesn’t make it easy. With this plan we are praying and hoping and crossing our fingers that her paper work will be in our hands by August 12th. To accomplish this, Sofie needs to get her passport applied for this week and the offices need to be operating at their best possible speeds. Pray. Please Pray. If it looks look like we are not going to get her paperwork by then, I may opt to come home a bit earlier and Jon will probably be the one to stay. I really hope it doesn’t come to this though.